


i only ever liked you.

by bhubblemilk



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 03:10:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17520896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bhubblemilk/pseuds/bhubblemilk
Summary: Where Chan found his ex-girlfriend’s younger sibling standing in front of his apartment door one random night, looking for a place to stay.





	i only ever liked you.

The last time Chan checked, he broke up with your sister. He was sure that was what happened because the feeling of his heart shattering inside his chest was still vivid to him, even though it had been two months since the last time he saw you or your sister. So imagine the confusion etched in every part of his face–from the slight furrow of his brows to his gently parted lips to the squint of his eyes, when he opened the door to his apartment and found you standing there with a duffle bag slung over your shoulder and your sister’s teddy bear that he got her months ago in your left arm.

“H-hey, kiddo-” he pursed his lips and tilted his head to the side in frustration. Right, he forgot he shouldn’t be calling you by a nickname anymore, but looking at your face simply brought back all the memories of the times he spent over at your place, each time after you open the door you would greet him with enthusiasm, and suddenly his heart melted into a puddle again. He just couldn’t help it. “Uhh, I mean (Name), yeah… what brings you here?”

You puffed out some air into your cheeks and blew them out. The tug at the corner of your lips gave Chan an idea of what had happened. You weren’t a bad kid, the worst thing that can really happen to you is getting into a huge fight with your sister. Not the kind of fight where you two throw notebooks and pens at each other, those were mainly mindless actions fuelled by a moment of frustration, but the kind where you two point out each others’ flaws and actually mean it.

He moved aside when you walked in, kicking off your shoes by the door and dropping your duffle bag on the side of the clothing rack. It never occurred to you that you had never once been to Chan’s home, he was always the one who comes over to yours. It kind of felt like you three lived together sometimes and there was this weird, sadly nostalgic tug at your chest when you realized he had a home of his own and he had stopped coming over for a long time.

You briefly looked around. The apartment was small, something a struggling college student can only afford you assumed, but he didn’t seem to have tried too hard to decorate. A bed at the corner, a desk right next to it with his laptop and his synth pad placed neatly on top, the clothing rack was right by the door and his shoes were scattered across the floor, and at last a very out of place couch by the other wall.

“Did you get in a fight with your sister?” He asked as he closed and locked the door. When he walked further in the apartment, he found that you had already jumped onto his couch and laid down with your back facing outside, completely ignoring him with your eyes closed. “(Name)? Are you going to talk to me?”

You fidgeted with your position a little before shaking your head, snuggling closer to the teddy bear, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Chan breathed out a small sigh then. You two always seemed to be able to come around to forgiving each other after a good five minutes, sometimes ten with the help of him cooing at your sister’s side. This must be one hell of a fight. He wasn’t going to force you to talk to him if you didn’t want to, but without talking, he wouldn’t be able to help you solve whatever problems you are having with your sister.

Chan glanced at the clock, its hand pointing right at the number seven. He hummed a bit before his eyes traveled down to the duffle bag that he assumed to be full of your personal things. Raising his eyebrow a bit in the realization that you came to his place without a plan to go home anytime sooner, his shoulder slumped in defeat before he walked over to the small kitchen space.

He pulled out the drawer and picked up a bag of ramen noodle. “Did you eat dinner?”

You pursed your lips as you slightly turned to look behind your shoulder. Chan was holding up the ramen bag, showing you the brand name with a cheeky smile. You almost wanted to laugh. He knew that was your favorite, and even if you have eaten dinner, you’d still get yourself a bowl anyway.

“No,” you lied as you rolled down the small couch, landing on the floor before sitting up and scooting over to the small tea table in the middle of the apartment. You grabbed the remote lying around on the floor and attempted to turn on the small television, but to no avail. You smashed the remote on the table a few times, earning Chan’s attention.

“I didn’t get new batteries for that, sorry,” he apologized before sticking his head back over to the fridge. You could hear a soft curse from his way before he leaned back and closed the fridge. “I ran out of eggs, sorry about that, kiddo–” he pursed his lips together as a low frustrated growl sounded from the back of his throat. “Ugh, I have to stop calling you that.”

“Chan,” you called out, your finger lightly tapping against the surface of the wooden table. You looked at him, your somewhat glazed gaze sending him shivers down his spine.

Oh, you hate him, he was so sure that was what you felt when you showed him that look of utter distrust.

“I’m going to stay over for a little,” you said casually before turning away, reaching out to your duffel bag and pulling out your phone. You flashed him the screen, “I need your wifi.”

Alright, so he appeared to be wrong.

“Ye–yeah, the cable is right there. There is a memo stuck under there with the name and password on it,” Chan pointed at his desk as his other hand stirred the noodle with a pair of metal chopsticks. “And if you need to charge your phone, you can just use that socket over there.”

With a nod of acknowledgment, you moved over without another word. After gaining access to the internet, you paid your utmost attention to the screen and leaving Chan standing by the counter contemplating whether or not he would be able to handle this awkward silence for the next few days (if you get over whatever dispute you have with your sister).

Besides, why his place? He remembered you guys having relatives living not too far away from you and your sister’s apartment. Why jump on the awkward train and go all the way to find the ex-boyfriend?

“Chan, is the ramen done yet?” Your impatient voice put him out of his thoughts.

“Almost there,” he replied, “It’s either you cook or stop complaining.”

You looked at him with those disinterested eyes again, literally drilling a hole in his chest. But soon, your bottom lip jutted out into a small pout as you slumped against the side of the couch in defeat.

And the bursts of nostalgia melted his heart into a pool of nothing but love again.

* * *

It was past midnight. Chan could feel himself getting drowsier by the second, and the ticking sounds mixing with your light snores did not help him with his sleepiness at all.

After typing the wrong word for the fifth time, Chan decided it was time for him to head to bed. Continuing to type the wrong thing in the essay wasn’t going to do any progress anyway.

Closing his laptop, he pushed his rolling chair away from the desk before rubbing his eyes and letting his hands drop to his lap. He looked over at you. You had curled up with the blanket as you snuggled up to the teddy bear in your sleep.

A soft chuckle escaped Chan’s lips before he stood up. He tugged at the corner of his blanket and flipped it over before making his way over to you. He squatted down by the couch and placed his under your back and knees. “Come on, let’s get you somewhere comfortable,” he muttered before lifting you up, a soft grunt escaping his lips as he did so.

When he gently laid you down, you stirred awake. Your eyes were half opened and your blurry eyesight could barely make out Chan’s face. But this scene felt familiar to you. This happened before multiple times when you were asleep on the couch and Chan had to carry you to your bed so he and your sister could watch a movie outside in the living room.

“Chan…”

“Hmm?” The boy pulled the cover over your shoulder, his tired eyes still managed to express fondness within them as he looked down at you.

“Why did you leave?” You asked before saying, “She only ever liked you.” You hugged the teddy bear and closed your eyes again, completely unaware of how this question could mess with his feelings. “It hurt me a little.”

Chan tugged at the corner of the blanket, unable to speak for a moment. You had drifted back to sleep already, leaving him to contemplate under the dim light of his table lamp.

“I’m so sorry, kiddo, sometimes people just don’t match each other well enough,” he whispered with a small, bitter smile. “It hurt me too.”

* * *

Chan dropped down to the floor of the practice room, his eyes closed as he took the precious time to rest as much as he could.

“Hyung, are you sure you are fine?” Felix asked when he walked over, kicking his friend’s side gently with his feet.

“Leave him alone, Felix. His ex’s younger sibling went to live with him, it’s been a full week already and they’re still here. It’s got to be painfully awkward.” Changbin commented from the side after he took a sip of water. “Especially after he brought a girl over that time, how did that sit with the kid? It’s kinda funny. The sister got over it but (Name) somehow didn’t.”

“What? You never told me that!” Felix exclaimed. Chan wasn’t sure if he was talking about you staying over, or him getting a potential girlfriend (who he is most likely not getting now). Maybe Felix was exclaiming about both.

“Didn’t they have a fight with their sister? Must be one hell of a fight if they can’t even stand to see each others’ face,” Woojin widened his eyes a little as he said before turning to Changbin and Felix, “And cut them some slacks, Chan used to be like the parental figure. Their parents passed away a couple years ago and I guess Chan kind of made up for it.”

“Can we please stop talking about this?” Chan requested as he waves his hand dismissively, the guilt tugging at his chest. “And remind me to get a new sofa, the one I have right now is pure torture. I’m only sleeping on it so I don’t have to be on the floor.”

“And now you’re sleeping on the couch. What’s next? Giving them the whole apartment?” Felix exclaimed in disbelief again.

“He’s just being nice, you go hyung!” Seungmin cheered from the side without looking up from his phone, causing the encouragement to seem almost insincere.

“If you’re tired, you should go home and sleep. The studio showcase will still be fine without you there,” Hyunjin laughed.

“Shut up, Hyunjin. Go back to school and haul Jeongin’s ass over here, he’s been missing practices,” Minho pointed at the door, shooing the younger boy out. After he made sure Hyunjin left the practice room, he looked down at Chan, who still had his eyes closed and his back against the ground. He sighed a bit, “He’s right, you should go get some rest. I’ve been wanting to tell you that for weeks.”

“Yeah, we got it from here. It’s not like we’re changing anything so you’re not missing any progress. Go get some rest, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Woojin nudged Chan’s leg with his feet before quickly turning to the side at Jisung, who was sneakily trying to escape the suffocating room. “Sit down, Jisung, you’re practicing with us.”

Jisung flashed everyone an unwilling look as he dropped his backpack and slumped down on the couch. “I’m just going to get something to eat!” He whined, “I swear to god, at this rate, I might just go out and grab myself a partner so I can be excused too.”

“You don’t want to do that,” Chan replied almost immediately, his voice coming out as a yell.

He opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, wondering what you could possibly be doing when you were stuck in his apartment all day. He had tried to get you head to school, but apparently, you got kicked out of it, so now you’re just hiding indoors every day. You two had a good deal of conversations, but nothing more than the usual morning and night greetings and some small chit-chat that doesn’t really cover up the obvious fact that you’ve been avoiding talking to him the whole week.

“You really don’t want to do that, Jisung.”

* * *

You were seated comfortably on the floor, peeling a tangerine and throwing the skin on the table, when Chan returned home. When he saw your face, the flashbacks of his conversation with his friends came flooding back to him, and for a moment, his face scrunched up into an unreadable expression before he relaxed.

“Hey,” he greeted, putting his shoes neatly on the side and lining up yours with his. “You went outside today?”

“I didn’t,” you mumbled before popping the orange fruit into your mouth, munching on it as you watched Chan move from one side to the other.

Chan hid the disappointment he was feeling that you, still, haven’t gone out yet, as he made his way over to his desk. He opened his laptop and punched in his passcode. Despite the fact that his friends made him promise he would go to sleep (on the actual bed) once he got home, Chan wasn’t going to waste any time resting when he could finish producing the song he made for the studio showcase. He clicked on his files, and suddenly his brows knitted in the center.

His clicks became more rapid, and you could hear him whispering frantically under his breath. Curious, you stood up and walked over to his side, glancing at the screen with squinted eyes. When you saw the familiar app, you gasped, “Oh, this app was lagging today when I was using it so I shut it down. What’s wrong?”

Chan froze, trying to process your words as well as suppressing the yell that was bubbling up in his throat. “Oh, come on, how could you shut it down? My song is still in progress!” He said, exasperated as he attempted to click on a few more buttons to see if recovery could be an option.

“Okay? Don’t these apps auto-save nowadays?”

“Does it look like my song is saved?” He turned to you abruptly. He wasn’t yelling, but the sharpness in his voice caused you to stumble back. “Why didn’t you ask me before you use it?”

“What–because I needed to send an email to my teacher–”

“You told me you got kicked out of school,” Chan stood up straight then and he fully tuned to you.

“Well, I didn’t get kicked out, I got transferred to another school–”

“So you lied to me?”

You closed your mouth, your expression mirroring his completely. “I–Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

“Because I care about those things, (Name)!” Chan raised his voice, causing you to shudder. “Do you know how uncomfortable it is to sleep on the couch? And I have to head to dance practice every day with a sore back!”

“I didn’t ask you to do it for me–”

“No! This is where you don’t get to talk! You can’t just barge in and mess up my daily routine like this and you certainly don’t have the right to constantly make me feel like shit, every time you give me a half-assed answer whenever I try to make a conversation or that disappointed look you have been giving me ever since I brought my friend over.” Chan ranted, “And you don’t even have the decency to apologize to me.”

You looked at him, leveling your gaze with his, “It didn’t occur to me that you cared enough to feel bad about how I treat you.”

There was a moment of silence, the tension was so strong you could cut it with a butter knife. Chan clicked his tongue and looked away, annoyed and saddened by your true feelings, but mostly annoyed. “You’re right, I don’t care,” he slowly walked over to you and clamped his hands on your shoulder, a faint smile on his face. He turned you around, “So go. I don’t have to let you stay here. Go stay with your aunt or someone. Better yet, go back home and talk it out. Just get out of my sight. ”

You looked behind your shoulder, panicked. Your aunt was the last person you wanted to be with. She didn’t care about anyone but herself, and staying with her would just be the same as wandering alone in the streets alone. “Wait, no, she hates me!” you placed your hand on top of his, attempting to stop him from pushing you towards the door.

Chan grabbed your hand, “I don’t care. You’re leaving, you’re leaving now.” He pushed your forward, his hand not leaving your shoulder as he leaned to the side to grab your bag. When you both were at the door, he slipped to the side and unlocked the door to open it. Pushing you forward, he closed the door quickly. His fingertips trailed along the metal handle and paused at the end of it. He waited for a couple seconds, to see if there would be any reaction from you.  _But you don’t have to care._  He blinked down at his feet, pouting in thoughts.  _Yeah, you don’t have to._

Leaving the door, he walked back into his apartment and slumped down on his bed. He exhaled deeply with his eyes closed, trying to sooth the awful feeling away. Turning to the side, he grabbed his phone to text his friends about the accident with the music they were supposed to dance to in the showcase and to distract himself from what he had just done to you.

When he got onto the group chat, his friends had already been chatting up there for a while. When someone caught sight of him being online, a bunch of normal greeting texts covered up his screen, and then suddenly it was a question regarding you.

**Jeongin: Hey hyung, I heard (Name) went to live with you. How are they doing?**

Chan tilted his head to the side in confusion. It took him a while to remember that you two used to study in the same school. Not anymore, apparently, since you’ve transferred, if you’re not lying to him about that one. Before he had the time to type a response that showed he was mildly annoyed with you and that he had just made you leave the apartment, Jeongin sent another text again.

**Jeongin: I haven’t seen them ever since they moved school after their sister died :(**

Chan sat up abruptly, his heart galloping at a fast rate as he read the text over and over again. His hand fell down to his lap and he looked around his room, his mouth ajar as the guilt crept up from the bottom of his heart. The news of the death of a girl he once loved was not mixing too well with the fact that he just kicked out her sibling from probably the only place they feel remotely comfortable in.

“Oh god, no, I am so sorry, kiddo.” Chan frantically typed a goodbye text before dropping his phone on the bed. He stood up and rushed over to the door, hoping you would be sitting outside when he held onto the doorknob. When he opened the door, nothing but the cold wind knocked on his face. “What did I do, what did I do…”

He went back in to slip into his shoes before heading out quickly. He had absolutely no idea where you could have headed off to, but he would try searching for you around the neighborhood. He wouldn’t get over it if he doesn’t.

* * *

You stared up the building you used to live in with your family. You had moved out weeks ago and apparently, another family came in and occupied the empty space. The lights of the living room were on and there were people walking by the window. A kid holding a toy truck, a girl who went over to pick the child up and left, and then a woman went by the collect the dried clothing she had hung up. It was just any other normal family.

You once had it, and now it’s gone.

“I knew you’d be here.”

You turned around abruptly at the hand that laid on top of your shoulder, startled. Chan was panting as if he had run a mile before he reached here. His breathing slowed down gently and his eyes flashed sorrow when he saw your silent tears. “No… don’t cry,” he reached out to touch your cheek, but you moved away quickly.

“I’ll stop,” you replied curtly before stepping aside and walking away.

“Where are you going?” Chan reached his hand out mid-way.

“I don’t know, but I am getting out of your face so why do you care?” You answered without looking back at him. You hands tightened on the strap of your bag and you quickened your pace when you heard quick footsteps from behind.

Chan caught up to you in no time. His hand reached out for the collar of your shirt and he tugged on it, pulling you back forcefully and causing you to let out a choked sound from the back of your throat. He immediately let go, unaware of how much strength he was really using.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–” His eyes went wide and he tensed up when your palm gently collided with the cheek. He turned back to you, a look of disbelief. “Did you just hit me?”

You looked at him for a moment before wordlessly reaching your hand out to hit him across the jaw. Chan clicked his tongue impatiently before he reached out and flicked your forehead.

The pain on your skull went away quickly, unlike the grieve that you have been trying to suppress down to the back of your mind. With a scoff, you turned around and stomped off again, and when Chan managed to grab a hold of your elbow, you suddenly turned around and pushed him hard.

“What do you want?” You growled.

“I know she died, I’m sorry.”

You softened at the mention of your beloved sister, but the anger and sadness came flooding right back when you saw Chan’s face. You have always blamed him for the death of your sister, even though you knew he wasn’t at fault. You just needed someone to be mad at, to believe that somehow her death could have been prevented.

Maybe it was about time you stop hurting yourself like that.

“Back off, Chan. I don’t want to see you.” You pushed him again, and then continuously.

Chan opened his mouth several times, wanting to find a space where he could explain why he was here in the first place, but your relentless punching at his chest and ranting gave him no such opportunity.

You got more annoyed and hopeless by the second when Chan didn’t give you much of a reaction. “Ugh, I’m not bothering you anymore so what the hell? No one wants me anywhere so I need to find a place to stay for the night, okay? So just leave me alone!”

Chan pursed his lips together, feeling tears brimming at the back of his eyes too. He grabbed a hold of your wrists and gently pulled you towards him. His arm circled around your back before his hand went to the back of your head, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. I should have known, I should have been there for you. I’m sorry.”

Your body relaxed when he patted your head consolingly. As you inhaled, you could smell the cologne he usually wears. Chan never put on too much, just the right amount to cover up the stink after practice. Just the amount that felt like home, back when everything was still the same.

“It’s not your fault, I should be sorry,” you croaked out, arms curled around his waist tightly as more tears fell down your cheek. Your eyes were starting to sting at the amount of time you had harshly rubbed the water away. “I’m sorry, Chan. I shouldn’t have done anything, but I miss her so much and you’re the only one who feels remotely like her.”

“What am I going to do, Chan? Nobody wants to take care of me. You obviously can't–”

“It’s okay, I’m okay. We’ll figure it out,” Chan cut you off, “Just… if you still want to, I’ll help, okay? We’ll figure it out eventually. So what do you say?”

You sniffed, pressing your cheek to his shoulder as you nodded slightly. “I only ever liked you.”

He couldn’t help but breath out a laugh.

“Alright, kiddo. Home it is.”


End file.
